The World According to McCue

Spiral Staircase I Love You More Today Than Yesterday

2012-01-30T09:24:00.000-08:00

Pretty amazing when you wake up in the morning even more in love with the person you loved the day before. This one's for you, Peach Cobbler. That's me on saxophone, too, by the way. And dig those 'burns on the keyboard player. Love you, sweet baby. Billy

R.I.P. Robert Frost - January 29, 1963

2012-01-29T07:33:00.001-08:00

Robert Frost died the same year I was born, and one day short of my father's birthday. Believe I've posted this one before, but it's my favorite and hits home today more than ever.
Love,
Billy

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods

And over the walls I have wended;

I have climbed the hills of view

And looked at the world, and descended;

I have come by the highway home,

And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,

Save those that the oak is keeping

To ravel them one by one

And let them go scraping and creeping

Out over the crusted snow,

When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,

No longer blown hither and thither;

The last lone aster is gone;

The flowers of the witch hazel wither;

The heart is still aching to seek,

But the feet question "Whither?"

Ah, when to the heart of man

Was it ever less than a treason

To go with the drift of things,

To yield with a grace to reason,

And bow and accept the end

Of a love or a season?

peter green's fleetwood mac - need your love so bad

2012-01-27T17:20:00.000-08:00

My Peach Cobbler sent me a new photo the other day, and I can't stop looking at it. She looks so cool and beautiful in it. And the way she's looking into the camera is just enough to make me lose my mind. She is the most natural beauty I've ever seen. I truly believe she is the most beautiful woman in the whole world. Inside and out.
Love,
Billy

The Doors - Blue Sunday - The Private Rehearsal

2012-01-26T04:23:00.000-08:00

I love you, Peach Cobbler.
Love,
Billy

Django Reinhardt - Paris Blues

2012-01-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

Belated happy birthday greetings to the late great Django Reinhardt.
Love,
Billy

Huffy Mr. Anti-Phone's Butterflies and Peach Cobbler-flavored Kisses

2012-01-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

Professional sports. Grown men playing kids' games. It's a ridiculous concept. I admit it without hesitation. But man, did I have a lot of fun today/tonight watching the Giants vs. 49ers game. Especially since the Giants won. Had they lost, boy oh boy, would I have been in a huff all day tomorrow. I would have went to sleep in a huff. Woken up in a huff, and spent the entire day in a huff. And probably for many days after. Why? I don't know. I've been rooting for them for over 30 years now. It's good clean harmless fun. Well, most of the time. I did exchange some harsh words with a guy who was trying to get my goat tonight with some anti-Giants comments. Shame on me, I should have just walked away, but I thought he was deliberately antagonizing me so I threw him an F- bomb or two. Now I feel bad about it. Sigh... Oh well, he'll get over it. And he's a moron anyway.

Back to work tomorrow. Full week ahead. Eye doctor appointment on Tuesday, otherwise, hoping for an uneventful week. Well, uneventful at work..

Peach Cobbler says she needs some time and space. Damn, I already miss her so much it physically hurts me. I have this big pit in my stomach just thinking about the first text or email I send that she doesn't respond to. We're such great friends now. Funny, we both hate the phone, but we love calling each other and we hate saying goodbye. If my other friends knew how much I love talking to her on the phone, I'd get so much grief! From my family, too! I'm Mr. Anti-Phone. Infamous for it! But not with her. Can't wait to hear her voice, love her voice, light up every time I see her number come up on my Caller ID on my cell and at work. Get nervous every time I call her - like a high school kid calling a girl he likes for the first time. Butterflies...

I just want to hug her and kiss her a million times, over and over and over again.

Love,
Billy

ITS BEEN A LONG LONG TIME by Bing Crosby with the Les Paul Trio - 1945

2012-01-22T11:35:00.000-08:00

Here's one for my Peach Cobbler. Love you, baby. It already feels like a long, long time. I miss you so.
Love,
Billy

Led Zeppelin - I'm Gonna Crawl

2012-01-21T13:40:00.000-08:00

One for my Peach Cobbler. A song by my favorite band for my favorite girl. "'cause I get down on my knees, and oh, I pray that love won't die..."
Love,
Billy

For a man who hates plans, boy am I busy...

2012-01-20T13:57:00.000-08:00

Busy weekend ahead. Was supposed to meet a biz contact at a bar for drinks after work, but a friend offered me free tix to the Knicks game tonight so I asked the biz contact to join me. Everybody wins. Can't stay for the whole game. Because...

Also got recruited to work the door at The Gate tonight and tomorrow night from 10pm to 4am. Game starts at 7:30pm - so can stick around for first half. So much for my pre-shift nap. Oh well...

Toughest part will be staying away from the drinking and pretty much losing my morning tomorrow and Sunday. Just have to be sure I don't lapse into bad habits. Beers, late night/early morning eating. Challenges are a test of character. Need to man up to them.

Bright side - Knicks game will be fun, extra money is always a good thing. And who knows, maybe I'll get an invite to head west on the train on Sunday for a quick meet-up with PC...

Next week's going to be so long. First full Monday through Friday work week in a while. And the boss is back after a week away. I just need to keep doing what I've been doing. Knocking things off the old "to do" list, meeting deadlines, getting results, keeping clients happy, spreading the love, motivating the troops. A full five days without any drama or fire drills would be nice.

That's all for now. Please leave comments, ok? Be a long time since any of you checked in and shared thoughts, stories. Love to hear from you.

Love,
Billy

Al Green - Im still in love with you

2012-01-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

One for my Peach Cobbler. Weekends are tough for us - she's so busy and has so much work to do, so many demands on her time. We carve out our time, too, but her priorities come first, and that's ok with me. I get selfish sometimes, and pout when she's away for too long, but it's only because I miss her when we don't connect for a few hours or longer. But I know she's spending that time doing the right things - the important things she needs to do. I keep waking up every day more in love with her than I was the day before. It's an amazing feeling - something I've never experienced before. I hope it lasts forever, and that she feels the same way. Do you, PC?
Love,
Billy

Rolling Stones - Miss You (from "Some Girls, Live in Texas '78" DVD, Blu...

2012-01-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

Baby, why you wait so long...come home, come home...
Love,
Billy

Forward on Day Four

2012-01-19T07:12:00.000-08:00

Hey there - I see a few of you have checked in this morning and I haven't posted anything since Tuesday so here's a quick update from Tribeca before the madness starts..

Had a great run around the neighborhood including two laps around the soccer field this morning. Followed it up with 3 sets of crunches and 3 sets of curls. Healthy smoothie - blueberries, blackberries, cranberries, OJ and Green powder and Psyllium. Does Psyllium make Metamucil sound sexy?

I've had the best dreams about Peach Cobbler lately. So vivid and detailed. Last night I dreamed we attended the same concert and sat right next to each other acting like perfect strangers on the off chance we were being watched. We made small talk, "accidentally" touched a few times, burst out laughing randomly, blushed every time we made eye contact. It was both awesome and torture! I wanted to hold her hand, put my arm around her, lean against her during the slow songs. She looked so cool and beautiful.

I'm getting emails from Hawa-ee-ee (it's 5:10am there - welcome to my world) so I better wrap this up. Day four of Mackey's Healthy Challenge. I'm doing really well with everything except the guitar playing. My tuner's broken and I can't tune it by ear. Have to figure something out. Will keep you posted. Everything else is going well. Diet's been good, exercise good. Need to drink more water, but otherwise, full steam ahead.

I want PC to be proud of me. And I want to look good naked.

Love,
Billy

Monday, Monday

2012-01-17T09:41:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Tribeca, NYC. Quick blog post during my lunch hour. My boss is out this week on a business trip to Hawaii (pronounced "Ha-wa-ee-ee) and left me in charge. Probably a coincidence, but every person in the office - including yours truly - was at least five minutes late, which would drive him nuts, but whatever. I reported that all were present and accounted for at the appropriate time. I crossed my fingers while typing that update. Tricky, but I pulled it off.

Day two of Mackey's Healthy Challenge started with a run around the neighborhood and a few laps around the soccer field. Felt pretty good considering I hadn't run in over a week. Listened to a few songs by Rush off their Permanent Waves CD. Manly music for a manly activity. Made myself a healthy smoothie for breakfast - blueberries, blackberries and cranberries, OJ, low-fat plain yogurt and two supplements - a Green powder and some Psyllium to help the motor run smoothly. Had a cup of coffee, Kashi cereal in the office, and about to have an Icelandic yogurt for lunch. A lean mean fighting Mackey machine...

A dear friend of mine is sick today and I'm sending her healing vibes via text and email. Hope they work. I miss her and wish there was more I could do to help her feel better and get back on her feet again. She's a trooper and pushes herself so hard. A rock star in all ways, but she needs support and comfort during these rough stretches. Wish I could be there to provide both.

I have a few client calls later on today - one is going to be tricky. I better shift into prep mode for them.

I like being in charge and think I'm doing a good job so far. Lots of pep talks, energy, enthusiasm, pats on the back. Hope it all has the desired effect. If not, I'll hear about it.

Hope all is well in your part of the world. Please leave comments - haven't heard from any of you in a very long time. Welcome your feedback, thoughts and stories.

Love,
Billy

2012-01-14T20:38:00.001-08:00

Saturday night in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY, USA. Just got home from The Gate. Enjoying my last few nights of drinking beer in excess of 36ozs per week as per "Mackey's Healthy Challenge" announced on Facebook this week. I had three pints tonight which equals 48ozs. One Mad River Sunset IPA. Delicious. One Staropramen Pilsner. Whatever, kinda average, but drinkable. And then for old times sake, a Guinness. Delicious, as always. Bar was getting crowded and I didn't know anyone there so I decided to exit stage left. Had fun talking with Carol, Tracy, Jay, Bobby and Jeff and Billy behind the bar. Saw young David on my way out. Such a great guy. Love him like a son.

Love,
Billy

Scott Matthews - Elusive, AOL Session

2012-01-14T11:04:00.000-08:00

Love this guy. Great singer, nifty guitar player, cool lyrics. Bit like a cross between Nick Drake and Jeff Buckley to my ears. "She said my destiny, lies in the hands that set me free..."
Love,
Billy

Start Date

2012-01-12T20:30:00.001-08:00

Thursday night in Park Slope. Just got home from The Gate. Went down to hang with Jay and watch the end of the Rangers game and whatever else came on the TV screen. Decent crowd in the bar tonight. Not super busy but enough to fill the tip jar for one person working behind the stick.

Rangers got shutout at home by Ottawa. Not good. Knicks lost big, too. Also not good. I had three beers. One IPA, one Imperial Stout and one Pilsner. One too many. Two's my limit on school nights. Shouldn't beat myself up over it. Just need to drink some water before bed time.

Need to select a start date for the "Mackey's Healthy Challenge" sweepstakes. Sixty days of clean living. Thinking about starting monday on MLK Day and ending on St. Pat's Day. In honor of my former fave band U2. What do you think? Drop 10 lbs., workout at least 3x a week, healthier breakfasts (no more choco chip scones), more water, less beer, no ice cream, no Chinese delivery, no pizza, healthy foods at every meal. I think I can do it. My sweet baby is cheering me on. God, she is so beautiful. Got a new photo of her today and she is just gorgeous in it. Beautiful smile, beautiful face, amazing features. In my eyes, she's the most beautiful girl in the world. I truly believe that and mean it. Want to be strong and healthy for her. No matter what happens between us. I want her to be proud of me.

And I want to look good naked.

Love,
Billy

Van Morrison - Here comes the Knight (This love) - live

2012-01-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

One for my Peach Cobbler. Love the lyrics.

On the road with my sword
And my shield in my hand
Pressing on to the new day
This love will surely last forever
This love will surely last always

In the valley I see horsemen pass
Baby, baby, baby they don't want this love to last
There's a battle for the throne

And it's raging down in your soul
It says this love will surely last forever
This love will surely last always

I've been accused of truth and alchemy
I've been accused of speaking out for freedom too
I gave a demonstration in front of a crowd
A man saw my hands move and he began to shout

Here come horsemen through the pass
They say cast a cold eye on life, on death
There's a battle for the throne
And it means to thine own self be true

And it says this love will surely last forever

2012-01-07T18:51:00.000-08:00

Today's big vinyl score. Yardbirds box set of 7 lps. I got it for a lot less than it's currently going for on eBay. Sometimes impulse buys are the best.
Maybe I can get a few Yardbirds to sign it when I see them in NYC on Feb. 3 ...
Love,
Billy

Gotye 'Hearts a Mess' By Gotye

2012-01-07T00:02:00.000-08:00

Kimbra - "Settle Down" [Official Music Video]

2012-01-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

Gotye- Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra)- official film clip (HD)

2012-01-06T15:15:00.000-08:00

Hey, want to be clear that this song and its lyrics aren't directed at anyone, it's just a cool new song i heard for the first time today. Love the voices. Wonder if they have any happy songs about being in love? Will let you know if I find one, Peach Cobbler.
Love,
Billy

Forgive me, Bono, for I have strayed aka Bootleg Memories - U2 - The War Tour - Boston, 1983

2012-01-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

Seeing U2 in concert in 1983 was probably as close as I’m likely to come to feeling like a true believer in church. Those gigs were religious experiences with Bono playing the part of the preacher and the crowd as the choir. I saw the band three times that year and walked away believing it was possible to change the world.

There is nothing quite like being in a concert hall with a large group of people who all seem to be there for the same reasons, are as into the experience as you are, know every song as well as you do, and are as intent on having a good time. There is a distinct power in such groups. One extreme would be the evil side of that power; I’m picturing thousands of Germans Sieg Heil-ing in unison at the Nuremberg rallies.

The other extreme would be the end of a U2 concert in 1983 with thousands of people all singing the words to “40” at the top of their lungs as they exited peacefully (not goose stepping their way out of the concert to a waiting train that had arrived on time).

The first time I actually saw and heard U2 anywhere was in 1982 on MTV when the video for Gloria was in heavy rotation. I was immediately struck by Bono’s voice and his cool brown leather vest. The band’s music was a completely new sound to my ears. At the time, I didn’t know from Gang of Four or Simple Minds or Television or any of the other bands that U2 had supposedly ripped off.

The Edge’s guitar playing sounded fresh and original. Larry Mullen Jr., with his martial beats, and Adam Clayton, with his simplistic but funky approach to playing the bass, didn’t come across as overwhelmingly proficient on their instruments, but they had something unique as a rhythm section. And then there was that voice. It was like pure distilled emotion. Bono Vox.

Has any rock star inspired more extreme reactions than Bono? I once spent a week in May of 1999 traveling around pubs on the southwest coast of Ireland asking the natives if they thought Bono was a tosser or a wanker. More often than not, the person asked would reply, “both.” And it seemed everyone had a Bono story.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “Ignorant Billy didn’t know that tosser and wanker mean roughly the same thing.” And you’d be right for thinking that, but I’ve found in my research that “wanker” has a slightly rougher edge to it. I mean, technically we’re all “tossers,” but we’re certainly not all “wankers.” Whatever, I digress.

The first time I saw U2 in concert was on May 7, 1983 at the State University of New York at Albany’s (SUNYA) annual Mayfest. Each year the school lined up four or five bands to play an outdoor show for students and locals. In 1983, U2 was the headliner. I can’t remember who opened for them – it could have been David Johansen or Beaver Brown or both. Toots and the Maytalls? Squeeze? A Flock of Seagulls? They all played at May Fest in the early ‘80s.

Anyway, I went to see U2 with my buddy John and his pals Carlos Kelly, Tom and Abbo. The five of us were all liquored up and situated about 20 yards back from the stage on The Edge’s side (left if facing the stage). In my drunken stupor I kept emphasizing to the boys that U2 was “an Oirish band!” and we owed it to our heritage to give them a chance before throwing our beer cups at the stage. All that meant nothing to Tom, since he’s Asian, of course, but he was always a good sport about that sort of thing and never took offense. I saw him years later at Les Paul gig down at Fat Tuesday’s. He’d put on considerable weight. Now Fat Tom at Fat Tuesday’s. Gotta love irony.

Anyway, U2 kicked off the show with three songs from Boy - Out of Control, Twilight and An Cat Dubh/Into the Heart. The three of us exchanged big smiles. So far so good. Then they busted into the first of several songs from their newest album War – a track called Surrender. “What’s all this talk about surrender?,” said Carlos, looking vaguely disgusted. And maybe he had a point, but I didn’t care, I thought they were great.

A few weeks later, I was back home one night when a friend called and asked if I wanted to see this band called U2 at the Capitol Theater in Passaic, NJ. I leaped at the chance. Unfortunately, the original date was cancelled when Bono came down with some throat/voice trouble. Funny, I can’t find any verification of this on the Net, but I’d swear that was the case. You know how memory can be. I was drinking a lot back then, too. Maybe I imagined it.

Anyway, the three of us headed down to Passaic and just like when I’d seen The Who a few years earlier, we had standing room only tickets, which only gave us access to the area behind the soundboard. When the band first came on, big video screens mounted on either side of the stage provided a great view of the action. But after a few songs, Bono complained that the cameramen were too obtrusive to the folks down front and asked them to pack up the cameras. Oh well. The concert was still great and Bono, if memory serves, was in fantastic voice.

A month or so later, I caught the final gig of the War tour on the Pier in NYC. It was right next to the Intrepid. I went with two friends – the same John from earlier in this tale, and another guy whose last name was Gadigan and who I worked with at Bamberger’s retail store. He was the brother of a guy I played Little League baseball with many years before that. Anyway, I drove the three of us to the city, but just as we were crossing the George Washington Bridge, I realized that I had left the tickets at home. John asked to be dropped off at the side of the highway, and said he would take his chances getting to the show. He had this thing about being late to anything.

Me and Gadigan high tailed it back to my apartment. I grabbed the tickets and we floored it back into the city. By the time we got there, most of the general admission seats were filled. We found two seats on the far side of the stage in these bleachers. Shitty seats. We missed the opening band – believe it was The Alarm, but arrived in time to see all of U2’s set. I don’t remember much about this gig, but I’m sure it was good.

Three shows in one tour. From there I was hooked.There's a great bootleg from that tour. It's a radio broadcast of a show from Boston that was just phenomenal. They were playing mostly the same set from night to night in those days, so listening to the boot was just like being back at the Passaic Theater, or Albany, or The Pier. I wore those cassettes out. Many years later, I tracked down the same bootleg on CDs, but it didn't sound the same. Someone had toned down the crowd noise and it sounded less fever pitched than my original recording. I probably only listened to the CDs once or twice.

Two years after that gig on The Pier, McCue family history was made. For the one and only time, my three brothers and I went to a concert together, and yes, it was U2, live at The Meadowlands Arena (then called Brendan Byrne Arena) on The Unforgettable Fire tour. I still love that album to this day and probably listen to it more than any of their other recordings. They had a hard time performing songs from it in concert, but did their best with the title track, Wire, Pride, Bad and MLK. I remember they opened the show with Gloria and played quite a few older songs that night, too.

Two shows during The Joshua Tree tour, both with my college girlfriend Nicole. Amazing gigs.

Four Zoo TV shows – two indoors, two outdoors. Bit too much flash and big screen TV watching for me, but lots of fun all the same, and I love every song on Achtung Baby.

One Pop show. Corporate box with my friend Dana, lots of her friends and my brother Larry. Some of it was cool, some of it sucked. They sounded under rehearsed, which, apparently, they were.

After that, I’m not sure what happened. I stopped going to their gigs. Tickets got more and more expensive, their albums became less and less interesting to my ears. Smoking caught up to Bono and his voice lost a lot of its old power and emotion. I thought he was cheating too much with the whispering and falsetto crap. Basically, I stopped paying attention. And that was hard to do – at one point, seemed like they – mostly he (Bono) - were everywhere.

I keep hoping one of their new records will be the one that brings me back into the congregation. How to Dismantle… had some good songs on it. City of Blinding Lights is cool. But most of the album just sounded like more of the same stuff they’ve been cranking out for years now, and the latest one doesn’t have a single memorable song on it, as far as I’m concerned.

Lately I hear they’ve considered breaking up. Maybe they feel the same as me – their best days are behind them. I still think they need to get in a room with just their instruments and a producer and play songs. No special guests, no more than one engineer, no hip producers or DJs adding beats. Just four guys in a room playing good songs. And a tour to promote those songs that didn’t rely on huge stages or massive light shows or any sort of gimmick-y bullshit.

Then maybe I’d go back to church again.

Love,

Billy

2012-01-04T06:48:00.000-08:00

Steak dinner at MarkJosephs with Tony and Joey last night. We solved the world's problems over Porterhouse for three and two bottles of red - one malbec, one cabernet. We dodged the assassins' bullets on the way out, and I got into a car back to Brooklyn. The boys headed to Penn Station. Michael the waiter was a good host. The Canadian bacon slice appetizers were a tough act to follow. I texted words of love to my sweet baby as we crossed over the Manhattan Bridge. An evening with friends, a great meal, and feeling like a teenager in love for the very first time. That's all I got.

Love,

Billy

The End of Something/New Beginnings

2012-01-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all of my readers. Thanks for coming here to read my posts and for putting up with all of my drama over the past six or seven months. It's been a rough stretch with so many ups and downs. Like an emotional rollercoaster. I fell in love with someone and chose to write about it here, which caused a lot of problems for everyone involved and could have created huge issues. I'm sorry about that and apologize to everyone for the trouble I have caused.

In the past year this blog has directly and indirectly led to me losing two very dear friends because of things I've written. It's too easy to consider these blogs like a private diary until you find out the hard way that yes, people are reading it and words can be cruel and painful. I will do a better job of keeping that in mind moving forward. I can't afford to lose any more dear friends.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with this blog in the new year. The one person who most of the posts were directed to no longer reads them and doesn't want to be in touch with me any more - or rather, I should say specifically asked me to go away. I could probably continue our correspondence here in the form of a "Dear Sabine, Love Griffin" format. I don't know. I feel directionless again. And alone. Which isn't fair to my friends and family who have been wonderfully supportive during this difficult time - even those who have absolutely no idea what I've been through. They just knew I've been sad and rallied around me. I'm not alone, even though I might feel that way from time to time.

I'm not one for resolutions but there are some things I'd like to work on this year. Making better decisions, controlling my temper, thinking before acting - especially when I'm sad or angry - keeping in closer touch with friends and family, being more proactive with the things I enjoy. I need to make a new list of goals and start working on them. Especially the difficult ones, like learning how to play guitar and getting back into yoga classes and running every morning. All of those things would be good for my body and soul. I also need to continue writing and finishing new projects.

Falling in love is easy. Trying to fall out of love is probably one of the hardest things a person can do. I suspect it will take me a long time to get over her. But time is a great healer and who knows what today or tomorrow will bring? I'm a better person for knowing her and she may be in my future. Everyone tries hard at the beginning of the new year, but only a few are able to sustain that effort, make positive changes, rekindle old love, rebuild what's been broken.

Until then, we just keep moving and breathing, right? Sure beats the heck out of the alternative.

Love,
Billy

Bruce Springsteen - Two Faces

2012-01-02T06:27:00.000-08:00

U2 New Years Day

2012-01-01T07:21:00.000-08:00

I will be with you again.
Love,
Billy

End of the year...

2011-12-31T17:56:00.000-08:00

New Year's Eve in Park Slope. Spent the day recovering from last night's stint as a rock star. Great show with the boys at Union Hall, opening for The Mighty High. We played for almost an hour with a new drummer who ran through the songs on his own and then reviewed them with us about 15 minutes before we went on. He was fantastic. Made fewer mistakes than I did! I completely forgot a section of Hush, missed a few cues, and still don't have a handle on our version of Roomful of Mirrors, but overall I was pleased with my performance. And what a turn out. Great to see so many familiar faces in the crowd before, during and after the gig. Folks said some really nice things about the band, too. Great stuff.

Went out afterwards and had a few too many beers, unfortunately, but stayed away from the hard stuff (I've decided whiskey and I don't get along very well any more.) Oh well, I'm not going to beat myself over it. I'm about to take a long hot shower and see if I can summon up the strength to head down to The Gate for one and wish everybody a happy new year. There will be fireworks at midnight - maybe I'll watch them from the roof.

I had a nice conversation with my mom earlier. She said Kev's visit went well and the kids were sad to go home. That means they had fun, which makes me VERY happy. I'll catch up with Kev tomorrow.

That's all for now. Some highlights from the year:

- Reconnecting with some old and dear friends. One in particular.
- The Final Vinyl reading in July that I organized, and then the reading by The Amoralists during one of their AMORALABs in December.
- Getting back to work full-time after being unemployed for five months.
- Seeing myself on the big screen during the New York Film Festival showing of Left Behind by Derek Garcia. I play the grieving father.
- Finally meeting my "cousin" Anne McCue after a few years of email correspondence.
- the birth of my great nephew James.
- Reading "The Black Cat" during a tribute to Edgar Allan Poe.
- My 30th high school reunion.
- Two Fritz Kekich gigs.
- Reading multiple parts during a tribute to Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol."

Love,
Billy

Rival Sons - Pressure And Time

2011-12-26T12:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know, these cats remind me of some other four-piece band, but I just can't place it...heehee...Out on the Tiles!
Love,
Billy

Mama's baby

2011-12-25T18:40:00.001-08:00

Everybody gets cranky sometimes during the holidays, but that's no excuse for being nasty to your Mom. Especially when you'll always be her baby. So I did the right thing. As soon as I got home, I gave her a call, let her know I got home safe and sound, and then apologized profusely for acting like a jerk. And you know what? She knew something was bothering me and didn't take it to heart. That didn't stop us from having a good cry together. I didn't tell her any details about what I'm going through, but she said she knows I'm lonesome and this time of year is tough. She also confided that she misses my Dad during the holidays something terrible.

I need to do a much better job of considering the feelings of other people - especially the ones I love - and not be so self-absorbed and inside my own head all the time. I also need to man up and be strong for the ones I love. Stronger than I've been over the past six months or so. Oh fuck that, stronger than I've been my entire life, not just limited to that time.

Hope you all had a merry christmas. Mine was pretty shitty for awhile, but it's making a big comeback. So am I.

Love,
Billy

Happy Christmas

2011-12-25T09:13:00.001-08:00

Early Christmas afternoon in Park Slope. I just got back from the soccer field. Did eight laps around while listening to Dinosaur Jr.

Ah, well, it's Christmas. Time to get a move on and start getting myself north up to Rockland. For how long, I don't know. Maybe just the day. Love my family but not sure how many of them will be at my brother's, which is where I'm headed. We'll see...

Went out last night for a little while. You guessed it, down to The Gate. Missed my friend Dawn by about 30 minutes. My bad, I got caught up with all the cleaning and organizing my apartment and lost track of the time. Damn shame, I haven't seen her in such a long time and she's one of my dearest friends. Hung out with Jeff and Billy - they were working - and then Laurel and her boyfriend and my friend Kurt came in with a lovely gal named Ryann, who is also a friend of mine. The girls were drunk and silly after going to the Giants/Jets game that afternoon. Was glad to hear that Ryann's no longer with this guy who is a real jerk and she can do much better.

I was home relatively early and no worse for wear. Sent off a few texts and hit the sack. Sad to be alone on Christmas Eve, but such is life as I know it these days. And the past few. Kinda wishing we could fast forward to January 2....

Love,
Billy

Bootleg Memories - Rush - St. Louis - 1980 (FM Broadcast)

2011-12-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

It's not easy being a Rush fan. The scorn, the ridicule, the smirking one must endure whenever the band's name is mentioned. The recent documentary “Beyond the Lighted Stage” featuring testimonials from many celebrity Rush fans has taken a little bit of the stigma away, but saying you’re a Rush fan is still viewed by many as a set-up for a punch line.

I suppose Rush fans like yours truly are easy targets in some respects. No denying that a fair amount of my brethren are geeks of the pocket-protector-wearing variety. Very Trekkie, you might say. And not too many gals in Rush fandom, too. Most chicks don't dig Rush, no. But, oh what a great band. And what great musicians. They've been together for over 30 years, which whether you like them or not, is pretty amazing.

I've liked Rush since 1980 when bought a copy of Caress of Steel (on vinyl) specifically to hear a song called Bastille Day. I remember listening to it in my brother Kevin's room in the basement of our house in Spring Valley. When it first came out of the speakers, the music sounded very Zeppelin-y to my ears so I was immediately captivated. And then it happened...I heard Geddy Lee's voice for the first time. Holy Canadian bacon! “What the h- is that, eh? Wow, what a strange voice,” I remember thinking. He sang so high. And then I looked at the photos that came with the album. That's it - he's singing out of his nose. Boy, I thought to myself, those are three strange looking nutty Canadian cats. Especially Geddy. I got used to his high nasal voice soon enough and came to love the band's music and Neil Peart's Ayn Rand/Ernest Hemingway-inspired lyrics. Neil Peart - now there's one serious cat.

Anyway, despite the fact that in my experience anyway, most women ran for the hills whenever someone put on a Rush album at a party, I was able to turn this gal named Geri (short for Geraldine) on to Rush and she loved them. She is one of the few women I can say that about. We'd hang out in her room and smoke pot with a towel wedged under the door to keep the smell from drifting downstairs to where her parents were watching TV, and listen to the Hemispheres album – her favorite. We weren't lovers - I had dated her sister Lori for a while during the summer between seventh and eighth grade (see the Thin Lizzy Bootleg Memories post for more on that), but we were very close friends, and probably should have been more than that, but I was still too hung on her sister. Definitely one for the “do over” list in life.

So that’s where it all started. After that, I collected all of their albums and would dutifully go see them in concert whenever they came to New York City. The first time was down at the old Palladium on 14th Street near Union Square. They were touring behind the Permanent Waves album and were opening their shows with most of the title track from 2112. Me, my brother Kevin and Steve Mauro sat up in the balcony - I think we got there right as the band came on stage. Holy Molson, they were loud! My guess is this was 1981 or so. I could be wrong. After that gig, Rush always played Madison Square Garden or the Meadowlands Arena - or both. Usually two nights at each venue. Most of the time I went with either Kevin and his friends or my buddies John, Daniel, Gilly and whoever else wanted to come along.

At some point, probably the late 80s or early 90s, I started going to these shows with my oldest brother Michael aka The Gaffer. It's become a tradition for us, and one that has continued right up to the most recent Time Machine tour when they played Moving Pictures from start to finish. Great gig. Mike jumped on the Rush bandwagon with both of his big feet and he's been a devoted fan for many years now. It's a fun and harmless interest for us to share. A few years ago, I bought him a set of Rush bobblehead dolls - with Geddy and Alex playing their trademark double-neck guitars! - for Christmas. I hope he likes them. Have to admit, I was tempted to keep them for myself!

As far as Rush bootlegs are concerned, some time in the mid 1980s, I was able to find a bootleg tape of a radio broadcast from St. Louis during the 1980 tour. It wasn't the entire show, but included most of my favorite songs at the time - Natural Science, Xanadu (split between side A and side B - more on this later), La Villa Strangiato. The sound quality was perfect and I listened to it constantly for a long time.

Funny, I've had a lifelong love affair with Led Zeppelin, but every once in a while I've "cheated" on them with one band or another. U2, Aerosmith, KISS, Thin Lizzy, The Police. And for much of the 1980s, Rush was my mistress.

Anyway, I listened to this bootleg over and over, studied the lyric sheets from their albums, read a few of the books that inspired Neil Peart's lyrics (Fountainhead, Anthem, the Nick Adams short stories) and became a bonafide Rush phreak. They were the perfect band for a teenage bookworm like me. And because they were smart and came off kinda geeky and looked, well, like normal guys – albeit kinda funny looking normal - I could relate to them easier than the very English and exotic-looking rock stars in Led Zeppelin.

I mentioned earlier that the song Xanadu was split between two sides of a 90-minute tape. Here’s why that’s significant to this installment of Bootleg Memories. I used to take that tape with me everywhere. The scene that's most vivid in my mind's eye is hanging out in the woods behind Margetts School in Monsey, NY. A bunch of us would gather there with a keg of beer, a boom box and enough pot and whatever else to ensure that everyone got blotto. There were usual a few girls there, too, which was always cool. Not that I did anything with any of them - other than stare and drool – but it was a treat to break up the usual manly vibe.

So yeah, you guessed it, at some point during the night I'd seize control of the boom box and throw in that Rush tape. And without fail, I'd always rewind the wrong side and the tape would start halfway through Xanadu. We'd hear the rest of that song, a long medley of their "hits" (Working Man, Anthem, Finding My Way) and La Villa Strangiato and that's it. A friend had tacked on something very un-Rush-ish at the end. Rockpile or something like that. Anyway, La Villa would end, Rockpile or whatever would come on and someone would put something else in the boom box.

I remember being in those woods one night, huffing a big cigar shaped doobie with a bunch of cats and chicks, listening to Rush and drinking out of a keg when all of a sudden somebody yelled "Cops!" and we all took off. My buddy John hoisted the keg up on his formidable shoulder and ran. Very impressive! I was right behind him. We followed a trail that took us out of the woods and onto a nearby side street. Towards the end of the path, I took a look over my shoulder to see if anyone was gaining on us. When I turned back, I tripped over this huge root that was sticking up out of the ground. I was sent airborne and landed at the feet of Gilly, a cat I had never met before, but who eventually became one of my closest friends. We hung out for the first of many times that evening. All those years ago. Gilly's married now with two beautiful daughters. I don't think he listens to Rush any more. I don't think he has the time.

Not sure what happened to that Rush tape. Probably somewhere in bootleg tape heaven with all the others. A few years ago, I was able to score a copy of this show on CDR from a group of Rush freaks on the Internet. I still love it, and it brings back all sorts of fond memories of running from the cops, making new friends and being young and foolish. The only thing that's changed over the years is I don't run from cops any more. I'm too old for that sort of nonsense. But I am still making new friends and I do act foolish every now and again. Hey, I'm a Rush fan, no one said I was perfect.

Love,

Billy

Bootleg Memories – The Who – Who Put the Boot In? – Swansea, Wales, 1976

2011-12-23T12:24:00.000-08:00

One of my all time favorite bootlegs and among the first I heard that didn’t feature Led Zeppelin is a recording of The Who in concert that was originally circulated as “Who Put the Boot In?,” but was subsequently renamed “Who Put the *Better* Boot In” when a higher quality version surfaced. The show took place in Swansea, Wales in 1976 on a night when the latter Moony period ‘Oo was in great form.

Here’s the story of how I first acquired it.

Back in the late 1970s, early 1980s, I used to work with a Who freak named Bill Saurer at a store called Bamberger's (owned by the same people who run Macy's) in Nanuet, NY. Bill turned me on to a lot of great music back in those days; most notably The Who, Talking Heads, The Clash, Joe Jackson, The Pretenders and Genesis.

We used to hang out all the time and listen to tunes – either at work in the “Young Men’s Department” or at his house. Bill also took me along to a bunch of great shows with his other friends. We saw The Talking Heads with the big band featuring Adrian Belew, Bernie Worrell, Nona Hendryx and Busta Jones in the second half of the show, and Steel Pulse as the opening act at Radio City Music Hall. We drove out to the Capitol Theater in Passaic, New Jersey to see the original Pretenders with Honeyman Scott on guitar and Pete Farnden on bass with The English Beat as the opener. We saw Peter Gabriel at the Wollman Skating Rink in Central Park on tour in support of his third album with a band that featured Larry Fast, Jerry Marotta, David Rhodes and Tony Levin. We caught Joe Jackson and Ian Hunter Band at the same venue, and so many others. I'm forever in his debt. Thanks to Bill, I have so many fantastic memories of great live music from those days.

Bill embraced everything that went along with being a fan of The Who, and totally took on the whole Mod lifestyle with the clothes and Purple Hearts. He'd even slip into an English accent every once in a while. It made me cringe, but he was such a nice guy I never gave him a hard time about it. We'd throw down a few hits of speed and wash it down with Peppermint Schnapps whenever we hit to a show together. Great stuff. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn't love, but we were great friends, both of us ugly as hell at that age – he was a year or two older, but two genuine romantics who were always hung up on some babe at the store who was way out of our league.

Bill also made me countless recordings on cassette tapes while were friends, including a 90 minute TDK-SA that had Who Put the Boot In? on side A and continued for about 10 minutes on side B. The rest of side B was filled up with a "best of" from The Clash's London Calling. I literally wore that tape out. I thought The Who was the greatest live band I'd ever heard, and The Clash just blew me away with their intensity, great lyrics and the incredibly diverse collection of songs on that classic album.

Thanks to the generosity of a few friends, I've now got *two* copies of “Who Put the Better Boot In?” and it's just as good, if not better, than I remembered it. Fantastic recording, amazing performance and those priceless between song rants from Moony that still make me laugh. I’m Free and Amazing Journey are the highlights for me. Since then I’ve collected many live recordings of The Who – many from my friend Tim Hetherton out in Long Beach, California – and I’ve seen the band in concert more times than I can count. Never with Keith Moon, unfortunately, but he was in bad shape by the time I was old enough to have seen that lineup so I don’t think I missed all that much, musically.

The first time I saw them in concert was at the aforementioned Capitol Theater with Kenny Jones behind the drums and a horn section on hand to beef up tracks from Quadrophenia like 5:15 and Music Must Change from Who Are You. The tickets were silver, I remember that, and my brother Kev came along to the show with me. We had to stand behind the mixing desk, but it was a fantastic show and they played every song I wanted to hear.

Most of my friends know Led Zeppelin is my favorite band of all time, but I love The Who almost as much. I always have and I always will. I’m grateful to my old friend Bill for turning me on to them all those many years ago. He’s married now and has a couple of little ones at home. I haven’t seen or spoken with him in over 20 years now, but I hope he’s ok and his kids are alright.

Love,
Billy

Thin Lizzy - Dear Miss Lonely Hearts (LIVE!)

2011-12-23T11:32:00.000-08:00

Bootleg Memories - Volume II - Thin Lizzy

2011-12-23T11:11:00.000-08:00

The first girl I ever kissed on the lips was a big Thin Lizzy fan, and she loved the song “The Boys Are Back in Town.” Her name was Lori, and we dated during the summer of 1976. My street cred went through the roof when my friends found out she was a year older than me. An older woman! Holy cow, I was the king pin of the school for a while.

Anyway, during those humid nights in June and July, the two of us would sit in my Mom’s Volkswagen Beetle and listen to the radio for hours, hoping the DJ would play “our song.” We’d pass the time by making out and talking lovey-dovey. Great fun. When school started up again in September, she wound up dumping me for some other dude a few blocks away. I was devastated and cried like a baby over the whole thing, but it was great fun while it lasted.

I still think of her every time I hear Thin Lizzy and The Boys Are Back in Town. Lori’s birthday is in late August, and that summer I bought her the Jailbreak album as a gift. We sat and listened to it over and over again. The Cowboy Song turned out to be my overall favorite and I’d sing it to her as many times as she asked me to.

I loved Phil Lynott’s voice. It’s so manly and soulful. In retrospect, his lyrics are sort of silly, but when you’re young, it’s easy to be charmed by songs about the Old West written by a black Irish dude. I felt a connection with Lynott – we had the same hairstyle For years I justified having an afro simply because Lynott had one.

A few years later, the infamous Live and Dangerous album was released. Here were all my fave songs from Jailbreak plus a bunch more and the whole thing sounded so much better than the studio album! I bought the 8-track and played it constantly. My favorite song on it shifted from The Cowboy Song to Rosalie to Still in Love With You back to The Cowboy Song to Johnny the Fox Meets Jimmy the Weed to Dancing in the Moonlight.

For a while I thought Thin Lizzy was the greatest live band I’d ever heard. That was high praise coming from a Led Zeppelin fanatic like me. It wasn’t until many years later that I learned Live and Dangerous wasn’t so “live” after all; many of the guitar and vocal parts had been recorded in a studio setting and blended in with the live material.

One night in 1980, I was sitting in my brother Kevin’s room and listening to the radio. The DJ came on during a break between songs and said the King Biscuit Flower Hour – starting in 30 minutes - was going to run a Thin Lizzy concert recorded earlier that year. I was thrilled and quickly found a blank 8-track tape so I could record the whole thing. You read that right – blank 8-track. Those were the days.

Thirty minutes later, mission accomplished. The band played songs from the Black Rose and Chinatown albums and even a song from Phil Lynott’s solo album Solo in Soho. I had never heard these songs before – Got to Give it Up, Chinatown, Dear Miss Lonely Hearts and others – but took to them right away. Lynott introduced “Snowy White on lead guitar!” at one point and I was totally confused. I knew Snowy White had played with Pink Floyd in the past, but had no idea he was in Thin Lizzy. No matter, I loved the show and was only disappointed that it so short. The recording turned out great – not much static from the radio broadcast – and was in heavy rotation in my basement for many moons.

After a while I moved on to other bands and set Thin Lizzy aside for a while. But I always enjoyed hearing them on the radio, and would bust out Live and Dangerous every now and then to sing along. Hearing their songs today brings back so many great memories of that Bicentennial summer – drinking eight packs of Miller and quarts of Budweiser; kissing Lori’s lips; having a huge afro and wearing nothing but jeans and black concert t-shirts; playing basketball and baseball for hours at a time.

Those were also the start of some tough times in my life. I began getting into serious trouble at school and stopped doing homework or preparing for tests. My grades suffered considerably and I started acting out in class. Seemed like I was constantly in the principal’s office for one reason or another. Things at home weren’t going so well and I’m sure my behavior in school was a reaction to all that drama. Maybe I’ll get into it in detail at some point, but for now, suffice it to say that it was the start of a six-year downward spiral into barely controlled mayhem. Drinking beer, total immersion in the pot scene, brushes with the law and eventually getting tossed out of high school. What a mess.

Fortunately, there’s a happy ending to this soap opera. After getting chucked out of high school, I floundered around for a while, but eventually got my act together. Today I’m alive and well, and have lived to tell about those days when I was young, live and dangerous. I found the Thin Lizzy radio broadcast on the Internet and traded for a copy on CDR. I give it a spin whenever I want to relive those crazy days and nights of the late 1970s. And if I play it loud enough, I can almost feel my afro starting to grow back.

Love,
Billy

Grateful Dead- jack Straw [HQ] (live) 1972

2011-12-23T10:59:00.000-08:00

I grew up hating The Grateful Dead. Too country for me, too bluegrass-y, too sloopy, too jammy. And you know how dopey a high school kid can be. So quick to divide the world into camps. In my world back then there were Led Heads and Dead Heads and never the twain shall meet, or some such shit. But I'm older and wiser now and my ears are open a bit wider. I love The Dead's acoustic songs and when they plug in, I love when they play *songs* - not the endless meandering jams their true fans love so much. This is a great song with really cool lyrics. The harmonies are a little pitch-y, but that's ok, I still dig it. Hope you do, too. Love, Billy

2011-12-22T12:16:00.000-08:00

http://www.sorcefuneralhome.com/obituaries/obituary.php?id=547

It's not often that you meet someone with the exact same name as you, but I had that happen to me twice. Father and son both named William "Billy" McCue. Both worked with my friend Murph in the Ironworkers union. I met Billy Jr. and his wife Maureen through Murph up in Salem, NY. Great people. Super friendly, down to earth, fun-loving, hospitable. Billy Sr. I met randomly at a print shop in New City, NY. He was getting handbills made to promote his candidacy in a union official vote. I read the text and said something cheeky like "with a name like that, you can't lose." I just found out that Billy Jr. died suddenly a few years ago at the age of 45 from a genetic heart condition. He left Maureen and their two kids behind and lots of family and friends. Shakes me up. Big strong guy with huge hands and a handshake like a vise. Yet another reminder to live every day like it could be your last. R.I.P. Billy McCue.

Love,

Billy

Bootleg Memories - Volume I - Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band Sept. 1978

2011-12-22T11:42:00.001-08:00

Back in the 1970s and 80s, WNEW-FM 102.7 in New York City would broadcast live concerts from venues in the metropolitan area. I can remember sitting at home and listening to shows from The Bottom Line, The Palladium, My Father's Place and The Capitol Theater in Passaic, NJ.

On September 20, 1978, I sat in my living room at 10 Anthony Drive in Spring Valley, NY and listened to Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band performing at the Capitol Theater. The show was over three hours long. Bruce was touring to promote Darkness on the Edge of Town and played nearly the entire album plus a great cross section of old songs, covers and even some new songs that would eventually appear on The River or on other artists' records (Fire, Because the Night, etc.).

At the time, my brother Larry was the Bruce fanatic in the family. He had all of the Boss's albums and went to see him whenever he played at The Garden or somewhere in NYC. Without fail, he'd come home raving about what he saw and heard. Funny, I don't think he likes him all that much any more. Me? Over the years I've maintained a love/hate relationship with Bruce's music. Some of it moves me like no one else's material. And some of it just sounds big, dumb and loud to my ears.

I've always enjoyed the mellow, subtle and moody Bruce. I'm on Fire, Point Blank, Independence Day, The River, Candy's Room, Meeting Across the River, Valentine's Day are sublime. Standard bar band stuff like Glory Days, on the other hand, makes me want to slit my wrists.

I was 15 back in 1978, having just celebrated my birthday a few days earlier. I was a sophomore at Albertus Magnus high school in Bardonia, NY - a Catholic institution. Second-string jock at best, huge mushroom cloud afro, no girlfriend, totally obsessed with music and starting to drink beer and smoke pot with a vengeance. My hobbies were frying brain cells, cutting school and trying to do as little schoolwork as possible without flunking out.

I had tons of friends all over Rockland County, which in my mind was the only good thing about going to a Catholic school besides being surrounded by girls in short skirts all day long. I was cool. Maybe not as cool as my brother Kevin and his 1967 light blue Camaro, but pretty damn cool for a dopey looking dude with an afro who was all of 120 lbs soaking wet. I wore concert t-shirts all the time and had a great denim jacket. My poor parents - I was a mess.

It must have been a weeknight if I was home listening to the radio. I remember the show started with Badlands and thinking it was going to be pretty hot. I knew the Darkness album well and was happy to hear a bunch of tunes from it early on in the set. Three hours plus later I was practically speechless. In the middle of the show, Bruce and the E. Street Band played all these songs I had never heard before - Fire, Independence Day, Point Blank - along with familiar tunes like Candy's Room and Because the Night. To this day it's my favorite part of the show. Most of it is captured on disc two of the three CD bootleg set.

I can't remember if I taped the gig that night, or if I caught it on a rebroadcast. Maybe Larry taped it live. I honestly don't remember. All I know is that there was a tape of it in the house and I listened to that middle portion over and over again. I mean, when I wasn't listening to my Led Zeppelin bootlegs, of course.

Bruce had this really nasty guitar sound going that night. I'm guessing he played a Telecaster. The band was great, too, especially the keyboard players and Mighty Max Weinberg on drums.

I had the show on tape for a long time, but like most of my cassettes, it was eaten by someone's stereo or lost or borrowed and never returned. Twice in my life I drove off in one of my cars with either a box or a case of cassettes on the roof. The tapes spilled out all over the road, some salvageable, some crushed underneath my wheels or someone else's. Maybe the Bruce tapes were ones that got crushed. I don't remember. All I know is 20 years later, I was able to get a copy of this phenomenal show on CDRs from one of my trading buddies on the Internet.

The first time I played the discs I was taken back to that night in September of 1978, sitting in my living room, thinking about not having sex and wondering if I ever would. I remember the radio announcer taking us live to the Capitol Theater in Passaic, NJ, a big swell of instruments warming up and then Bruce's unmistakable voice counting the band in..."One, two, three, four!" to Badlands. Over 25 years ago and the memory remains fresh. He may not be my Boss, but on that night in September, he was in charge for sure.

2011-12-14T08:04:00.000-08:00

Out of respect for her and my Dad, I'll never speak or write in-depth about my parents' relationship when I was growing up until after my Mom has passed away. But today I'm reminded of one particularly emotional moment in their lives together. My Dad suffered tremendously before he died. He spent most of his last days in pain and in bed. My Mom handled the situation as best she could, but often lost patience with him and showed her frustration. It made me angry at the time, and I remember giving her a piece of my mind about it. Like, come on, do you think he wants to be impatient and miserable? If he wants a bigger bedside table, get him a bigger table, don't just move a chair there instead. Anyway, in my eyes, she redeemed herself in the end by sitting next to him a few days before he died, and reading him this poem. My father rarely showed emotion - even during his best days - but I hope this touched his heart like it's touching mine today.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Mama's Boy and Himself

2011-12-11T08:13:00.000-08:00

Had some great exchanges with Aud this morning. Told her I went to a party last night and someone made a comment implying that I must be gay because I was there on my own and have never been married. Aud said, "tell them you're single because no one can take your mother's place." This transitioned into a discussion of Himself, who was never politically correct with his comments (think a more sophisticated and educated Archie Bunker), but his entire life had gay friends, African-American friends, Asian friends. Lots of people can talk the politically correct tolerant all inclusive talk, but my father lived it by evaulating people on an individual basis.

Love,
Billy

2011-12-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

Got one of those weeks coming up that makes me want a secretary (with glasses, hair in bun, short skirt, lots of cleavage, of course - maybe a Sarah Palin lookalike with a brain?) to keep me on schedule.

Monday - free
Tuesday - rehearsal for a reading of The Christmas Carol
Wednesday - AMORALAB reading of a few scenes from my play Final Vinyl
Thursday - possible brainstorming session at Club 419 with Mr. Hunt re: coming up with ideas and a treatment for a remake of a classic film from the 50s
Friday - The Christmas Carol reading
Saturday - surprise 50th birthday party for a friend up in Rockland (hope he doesn't read this blog!)
Sunday - first Fritz Kekich rehearsal for 12/16 gig.

Woof. Any volunteers for that secretary gig?

Love,

Billy

Lighter-weight material

2011-12-04T07:21:00.000-08:00

And here's something a bit less heavy for you...

Yesterday was a good day. I made lemonade out of lemons. The lemons part? I left my cell phone charger at the office and both of my batteries died on me. So I showered, got dressed (ratty old green v-neck sweater over a grey t-shirt, jeans, black belt, black dress shoes, green military jacket with the fleur d'lys symbol on the back), packed up my iPod and Game of Thrones book and headed into the city. I took the R to City Hall and walked over to Harrison Street.

A beautiful fall day and I spent a few hours of it inside my office. Oh well, I got a ton of emails out, did some pitching, got a few responses. My boss likes giving our new clients extra special love and attention so I did a bit of that, too. No one else was in the office and I had the news on the TV so it could have been worse. Once the batteries were all fired up, I headed out. To the Village. To record shop.

My buddy Ross is after a Richard Pryor comedy album, and for the past few years, I've shopped for him here in the States. He lives over in London and is a big record collector. Much more dedicated to the hobby than I am, believe it or not. When it comes to record collecting, I talk a big game, but my collection is actually kinda small. You'd be disappointed if you saw it. (why do I feel like I just set myself up for some penis jokes?). I've probably bought more albums for Ross than myself. I enjoy hunting down all of his unusual requests and finding great copies of the more mainstream albums he asks me to look out for. It's great fun.

So yesterday I headed to the Village in search of "N-word, You Must Be Crazy" on his behalf. No luck finding it, but I did buy a few very inexpensive albums for myself.

Santo & Johnny - Encore - These guys gained some recognition years ago when Quentin Tarantino used their classic track "Sleepwalk" in Pulp Fiction. Jimmy Page and Robert Plant are also big fans, which of course caught my attention when they name dropped them in during interviews. I found a beautiful copy of this with a laminated cover. Can't wait to play it.

Rod Stewart - The Rod Stewart Collection - Hilarious! One of those cheesy albums "as advertised on television." Has some great songs on it including his cover of Street Fighting Man, which I love.

The Yes Album - I really love this band and I don't have this on CD so it was a nice find. Cheap, too, and in great shape.

Paul Rodgers - Cut Loose - the singer from Bad Co's first solo album. Low expectations for this one, but nice to have and it was only $3.

Billy Squire - Don't Say No - Brings back a lot of fond memories. Some great tracks on this one including Too Daze Gone. The first time I heard that song, I thought it was a new Led Zep tune.

I headed back to Brooklyn on the F train and stopped off at The Gate for two beers. Chatted with my friend Jesse about the upcoming show at Union Hall (Jess is in The Mighty High - we'll be opening for them), listened to some of the new Tom Waits album with Jay, and bantered a bit with Seldon and Jeff and a "new Billy" who just started working there. Not sure about two Billy's at The Gate. Hmmm....

Came home, watched two episodes of Boardwalk Empire while eating leftover Chinese food and hit the sack early. Not a bad day/night at all. I just need to eat better, drink more water and avoid the "next day blues" in the process. A work in progress...

Love,
Billy

O Captain, my Captain...

2011-12-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

Back out on the soccer field this morning. Johan Cryuff, Franz Beckenbauer, Pele and Eusebio were behind me as I led the team in a lap around the field. In my mind's eye, I picked out a brown haired dark eyed cheerleader with nice boobs in a tight sweater and winked at her as we jogged by. I was reminded of an old cuss named Tom Lynch who was the varsity goalkeeper on my high school's team when I was a freshman. This guy was destined for West Point as soon as he exited the womb. A real hard ass. But I tell ya, he was an awesome and inspirational sight when he led the team for a pre-game lap around the field sporting his German national team goalie's jersey.

Love,

Billy

Billy Old Bones...

2011-12-02T04:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at work, my colleague gathered the team together in our conference to have birthday cake and sing happy birthday to our intern. We all sat around eating red velvet cake and telling stories. Our intern just turned 23. The other folks in the room are 24, 25 and 27. Our boss is 29 and one other guy who works with us, but was out yesterday, is 26. When someone asked me what I did over the weekend, I told them I had gone to my high school reunion.

A: Really, Bill? What anniversary was it?
B: Our 30th.
A: Wow, Bill, none of us were even born when you graduated from high school.

Yeah.

Love,
Billy

Covered with a Wreath of Memories

2011-11-29T16:57:00.000-08:00

Hey folks,
Sorry for being out of touch for a few days. Miss me?

Quite a bit of traveling over the Thankgiving holiday. Headed up to Rockland on Thanksgiving Day to have dinner with my oldest brother, his wife, his youngest daughter, her boyfriend, my mom and my sister. How about that? Our smallest Turkey Day in a long time, but we had a really nice dinner and my brother's wife kicked ass with the turkey and fixin's. I brought along a pecan pie from Trois Pommes that was a HUGE hit with everyone. Delicious. Thanks, Emily!

I stuck around for about four hours or so and then caught a train back to NYC and then the subway back to Brooklyn. Stopped in at The Gate for a couple of beers. Nothing crazy - just two. Nice to see Kate behind the bar and a few other folks. Came back home and chilled out, watched a few Game of Thrones episodes and got also got caught up with Boardwalk Empire. Friday was also pretty chill. Got some stuff done around the apartment and met some friends at The Gate later that night. Saw my friend Lena for the first time in more than a year. Great gal. We all shared a bottle of Brooklyn Brewery's Black Ops. An imperial stout aged in bourbon casks and then bottled. Wow. Spectacular. Felt it the next morning.

Saturday I headed back up to Rockland for the AMHS 30th reunion. My friend Murph picked me up at the train station this time and got me settled in at his house. Met his two sons who were just wee lads when I last saw them. Now they're both well over six foot and huge. Crazy. Murph and I met another friend at a bar for a couple of drinks and then headed to the reunion. What a hoot. Light turn out but lots of my cool friends from back in the day were there. One of them spilled an entire glass of wine all over me. Figures - I didn't have a drop of alcohol at the party and walked away smelling like a wino. A bunch of us went to a bar afterwards. Very cool to see some old friends - two of them I also went to grammar school with and met when I was around five or six years old.

Spent the night at Murph's and in the morning he drove me over to my oldest brother's. Met him and my mom and spent some time with them. My Mom and I eventually went to a local spot to get a Christmas wreath for my Dad's grave and then we visited Himself at the cemetery. Can't say it's a fun thing to do, but we bond over it, for sure. Went back to my brother's and hung out with him for a while, watching football. My mom's in a pool and watches every game on TV now.

I caught a train back to Brooklyn later that afternoon. Felt nearly overwhelmed with melancholy. Visiting my dad's grave, seeing my Mom older than I remembered from the last time, meeting up with old friends and going down memory lane with them. Walking through my high school's halls and remembering how young I was, the fun times, the unhappy times. Lots of emotions.

It's times like these that I count myself lucky to be in love. It gives me so much hope for happiness in the future. I intend to hang onto that feeling as long as I can.

Love,
Billy

William S. Burroughs - A Thanksgiving Prayer

2011-11-25T09:32:00.000-08:00

For Bill Burroughs on Black Friday

2011-11-25T09:30:00.000-08:00

Thanks for a nation of lawyers and the legion of victims who line their pockets in a land where nothing is anyone's own fault and every misstep is a chance to cash in. Thanks for a litigious society where every day is a potential lottery win.

Thanks for the whiners with entitlement issues who demand to be given what they should rightfully earn. Thanks for those who want the legacy without putting their time in.

Thanks for a land rife with the notion that experience is overrated.

Thanks for the extremists on the left and right with their us vs. them mentalities and unwillingness to acknowledge any shades of grey.

Thanks for the self proclaimed rebels and non-comformists and all their wardrobe rules and smarmy trend following. Thanks for being so quick to march in lock step and don the uniform.

Thanks for the big spenders with no money for health care insurance but buckets full of disposable income for essentials like SmartPhones and their pricey service plans, big screen HDTV, vacations and body ornamentation.

Thanks for all the wonderful technology that allows us to stay connected to our jobs and The Man on a 24/7 basis and easily forego the ridiculous and wasteful concept of "down time."

Thanks for all the adults who want to be treated like children and welcomed back home to nuzzle at the parental teat.

Thanks for a land where men who follow a religion founded by an upstate New Yorker visited in the night by an angel bearing tablets written in hieroglyphics can run for President with a straight face - and great hair.

Thanks for the false patriots who are as quick to shed crocodile tears for the plight of veterans as they are to pelt those same fighting men and women with epitaphs based on which way the wind is blowing that morning.

Thanks for legitimizing the fringe who dictate the tone of the political debate and discourse.

Thanks for the good people of Iowa and New Hampshire who plot our futures.

Thanks for the glorification of the celebrity and the way they so thrillingly fill up the empty spaces in our lives.

Thanks for grown men playing children's games that create billions of dollars in salaries and other revenues, and thanks to the Caesars who bring us a steady diet of bread and circuses.

Thanks for the uber rich who serve as marionettes of the masses.

Thanks for the lazy and unwashed who secretly wish to inherit the earth.

Thanks for the expediency of all those who are so quick to stand in judgment on groups of people rather than judging individuals on a case-by-case basis.

Thanks for intellectual exercises like updating my Facebook page before I break bread at a new restaurant in town.

Thanks for telling me what I like and don't like.

Thanks.

Lists

2011-11-25T06:56:00.000-08:00

Hey there, post-Thanksgiving blog posting from Park Slope, Brooklyn, NYC, USA. Woke up relatively early after staying up late watching a new documentary on Woody Allen. It was part of PBS' American Masters series.

I've got a list of things I want to get done today, but most important is spending time outside. It's a beautiful day and I need the sun on my face, fresh air in my lungs and the smells of autumn up my crooked nose.

So let's backtrack a bit...

Wednesday was supposed to be a half day at work, but one of my clients out on the west coast kept me hanging around until 4:30pm ET or so. Whatever, I still got home a few hours earlier than usual. It was pouring rain so I sort of made the trip home in stages. Stopped in at Bark for a couple of hot dogs, french fries and a cherry soda. From there I ran down to 5th Avenue and caught a bus to the corner of 5th and 3rd Street. Stopped in at The Gate for a Guinness - first pint of Guinness I've had in a long time. Talked to David about the Chris Cornell show and beat it out there before the regulars started to converge on me. Got home, took off all those wet clothes, got into sweats and a hoodie and watched The Commitments on DVD. So great, one of my favorite movies.

Woke up early Thursday morning, made a healthy smoothie and then decided to go back to bed. Just felt wiped out by stress at work and not sleeping well lately. Wound up sleeping until around 11:30am or so. Got up, took a shower, missed a phone call from a dear friend, and got dressed. Headed up to Rockland for family feast, but stopped in at Trois Pommes first for some coffee, a slice of banana bread, and bought a pecan pie to bring with me. Spent the day at the Gaffer's with his wife, my mom, my sister and my niece and her boyfriend. Small crowd this year, but it's quality not quantity, right? Stuck around until 7pm or so and then took a train back home. Stopped in at The Gate for two pints and then came home to chill out. Caught up with the friend I missed earlier in the day and had a really great chat. Watched that Woody doc and hit the sack.

Today I have a long list of things I want to do - just looked at the clock and need to get moving if I'm going to cross them all off that list. Wish me luck.

Love,
Billy

Long As I Can See The Light - Creedence Clearwater Revival

2011-11-23T15:18:00.000-08:00

Cornell did a great cover of this the other night. You can hear it, yeah? Perfect for him.
Love,
Billy

Chris Cornell - Seasons - Live

2011-11-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

Chris Cornell - Call Me a Dog

2011-11-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

Chris Cornell - Sunshower

2011-11-22T10:00:00.000-08:00

Chris Cornell at Carnegie Hall

2011-11-22T09:58:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting at work yesterday afternoon thinking, "should I go see Chris Cornell do his solo acoustic thing at Carnegie Hall tonight?" I hate concerts nowadays. Too many obnoxious drunken loud mouths talking over the music. So I send a lifeline to a friend via text and say, "what do you think?" She says words to the effect of, "Chris Cornell? Carnegie Hall? You gotta go."

So I scalped a ticket online, went to the gig and it was effing mind blowing. Great mix of solo, Soundgarden, Audioslave, Temple of the Dog and covers, including two Led Zep songs (Tangerine and Thank You) and the now obligatory A Day in the Life, which was amazing. My fave song of the night was Soundgarden's Mind Riot. Went to bed with that one in my head.Thanks, K.

If I could sing like anyone in the world, it would be Chris Cornell in his prime. His voice is still good, but it's a lot more smoky/raspy these days than back in the Soundgarden when he could wail like a banshee with ease and still had that amazing warm tone in his lower register. This is one of my fave songs from those days. He performed it last night. A beautiful song - dedicated to a beautiful girl.

Love,
Billy

Chicago - Feeling Stronger Every Day

2011-11-19T12:04:00.000-08:00

One year ago today I lost my job and my girl. Same day. A few weeks earlier, I had lost a childhood friend. Took me a while, but today things are looking up. In the words of the philosopher Nietzsche, "What does not destroy me, makes me stronger." Hope you're having a great Saturday...

Love,

Billy

Narrative Therapy aka Procrastinating...

2011-11-18T04:28:00.000-08:00

No working out this morning. Giving myself the day off. I need to get back into running. I was sick all last week and just couldn't get myself motivated to wake up early. And now it's dark when I get home at night and that makes it hard to push myself to get out there for a run if I blow it off in the morning. See? A million excuses.

Blogging as therapy. Narrative therapy. Feel like going back to bed for a few more hours. I don't sleep well in general. Constantly wake up in the middle of the night. Too hot, too cold, too many thoughts in my head. Nightmares, sexy dreams, fixations on things at work. No wonder I sleep in on the weekends. Good way to feel like a teenager again. Remember how much we slept back then? I'd stay up until all hours and then stay in bed until noon at the earliest. Used to drive my mother crazy.

Oh well, time to hit the shower. I should shave today, too. Better make a move then....

Love,
Billy

I Will Possess Your Heart (Album Version video)

2011-11-18T04:25:00.000-08:00

I posted this video to Facebook a while ago and caught all sorts of grief for it. My friends who are into hard rock accused me of being a wuss, etc. I can't say I'm a big fan of DCFC but I do love this song and video. It's one of the few times a video truly captures the mood of the music and lyrics. At lease I think so anyway. I also love the long intro. And yeah, ok, the girls are very beautiful. Hope you like it, too. Good morning. Love, Billy

Anniversary and Voices

2011-11-18T03:56:00.000-08:00

What a week. Feel beat up in some ways. Looking forward to a hopefully quiet and uneventful day at work. Wish me luck.

No major plans this weekend other than a hockey game outing with some friends from the bar on Saturday afternoon. Should be fun. The trick will be not overdoing it with the $9 beers at the arena. The rest of the weekend will be quiet in comparison and that's ok. Band rehearsal on Sunday was cancelled. Kinda bummed about that. We're planning to do quite a few "new" (covers) songs at our upcoming gig and I need the practice.

November is the one-year anniversary of some major upheaval in my life. Not sure I want to rehash the whole thing, but believe there are some blog posts from that period if you're curious. Feel free to take a look. I was in pretty bad shape at the time. Got hit with a few traumatic events and incidents at once. Was hard to handle. Not sure I did such a good job of it. Spent too long self-medicating and wallowing in self-pity. Probably being a bit too hard on myself as usual, but I'll let you decide.

Started reading the "Game of Thrones" books and enjoying them very much. Reminds me of the Tolkien trilogy in some respects. Lots of characters and overlapping plot lines. Vivid descriptions of places and landscapes. Big difference here is many more female characters - great ones, too. Queen Cersei, Lady Stark, Danerys Targaryen. All three are gorgeous in the HBO version, of course. The makers of the TV show did a great job of choosing the right actors for the characters. The Imp is by far my favorite - on TV and in the book. The actor who plays him is absolutely brilliant and has the best voice ever. Second place in the voice department goes to the actress playing Queen Cersei. Oh boy, sexiest voice ever. "And what of my wrath, Lord Stark?" Wow.

Time to knock off some exercise before hitting the shower. I don't dread going to work, but I don't look forward to it either. Maybe one day I will. My guess is it will be somewhere other than where I'm working now. But where I'm at now is ok, I can deal. And there's always Mega-Millions...

Happy Friday to all of you around the world who have stopped in to catch up with me. I hope you'll leave some comments.

Love,
Billy

Rules

2011-11-17T07:10:00.000-08:00

Already broke one of my newest rules by purchasing *two* tickets to the upcoming My Morning Jacket/Band of Horses gig at Madison Square Garden. Seats are pretty good - side of the stage, not too far away - 100 section in MSG if that means anything to you. Not super expensive. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be able to unload them if I can't find someone to go with me. My oldest brother Mike is always game for a rock show...

Love,
Billy

Mastodon - Oblivion [Official Music Video]

2011-11-15T18:21:00.000-08:00

I don't listen to a lot of heavy music these days, but when I find something good, it gets heavy rotation in my iPod. Lately I've been listening to this song right before I head into my office to start the work day. It helps to get me fired up. The whole album by Mastodon - Crack the Skye - is very good, but man, these guys can't sing for shit on stage. Damn shame because I love the different voices on each track. The bearded dude's voice reminds me of a young Ozzy.

Love,
Billy

Lift To Experience - Falling From Cloud 9 @ Trabendo, Paris

2011-11-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

LIKE A G6 - PERCUSSION COVER!!

2011-11-10T12:13:00.000-08:00

Talk about a crazy nutty small world. A few months ago, I posted this video of a "friend of friends" Veronica Bellino to Facebook. She's tight with a bunch of people in the bar community of Park Slope. I don't think I've ever met her face-to-face, but she's always in the Facebook photos whenever my friends post from a party. I hear she's super cool and as you can see here, very talented. Get this - turns out she's now the drummer in Jeff Beck's band. Yes, *that* Jeff Beck. Crazy, right? I'd like to say I had something to do with it, but... Love, Billy

terry reid seeds of memory

2011-11-08T18:40:00.000-08:00

The greatest rock singer that so few people have heard of and only know by name and connection to Led Zeppelin. Listen to that voice. Now imagine him singing the songs on Led Zeppelin's debut album. Could have happened. Love, Billy

Roy Harper November 5 2011 Royal Festival Hall in London pt 1

2011-11-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

The moral of this story? Trust your instincts and make the time and money to attends the events and occasions that will bring you incalculable joy. I had a hunch Jimmy would join Roy on stage last night, but couldn't get a firm confirmation so I didn't want to take the risk. A few weeks ago, I was invited to a book launch party for The Faces. Many celebrities were there and a few of my friends in the UK attended. Again, I didn't go. "Never again!" I'm also learning fast about some of my so-called "friends" who do indeed seem to be friends of mine when it's *me* doing *them* favors. Live and learn.
Love,
Billy

Legends - Chick Corea and John McLaughlin

2011-11-05T23:08:00.000-07:00

So tonight I wound up going into NYC to check out Chick Corea celebrating his 70th birthday with his Five Peace Band featuring the legendary John McLaughlin on guitar, Kenny Garrett on sax, John Patitucci on bass and the amazing Brian Blade on drums. Jazz can be a hit or miss thing with me. Too avant garde and free form and I'm bored after a few minutes. But when there's an emphasis on groove and melody, I'm hooked. Last night was an intriguing combo of both so all good.

The Blue Note is a ridiculously tourist-friendly venue. I'm fairly certain I was the only American let alone New Yawkah in the audience. Lots of Russians here there and everywhere. Oh well, whatever, my waitress was cute and they had big bottles of Brother Thelonius on the menu.

McLaughlin and Corea haven't lost a thing over time, and Garrett, Patitucci and Blade killed it.It's too bad the set was so short. Sounded like they were just starting to fire up when Corea called it quits on the set. Oh well, still feel like I got my money's worth. I grabbed a slice and this month's MOJO magazine for the subway home. Stopped in at The Gate for *one* and now I'm home relatively early. I'm going to drink a big glass of water and hit the sack.

Love,
Billy

Hello to my foreign visitors

2011-11-05T23:06:00.001-07:00

Like to say "hey there, how's it going?" to all my recent visitors from other shores. It's great to see folks from around the world checking in and reading my posts. Thanks for visiting. I'm really not as big of a wuss as I probably come across here. You'll have to take my word for that, of course. In any event, please post comments, let me know what you think of my views and chime in with your own. I'd love to hear from you.

Love,
Billy

Flying Burrito Brothers Hot Burrito #1

2011-11-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Sweet William (album version)

2011-10-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's what the ladies call me... heehee... Love, Sweet William

Old Friends

2011-10-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

Nice night with one of my oldest friends. He came into town to spend some time with me, visit with another friend of ours in Brooklyn, see his family out on Long Island, and then he's meeting up with one of his brothers to go to the NY Giants football game on Sunday. Whirlwind
trip.

He flew in from Chicago on Friday afternoon, wandered around the city for a few hours, came to my office, we ducked out and walked across the Brooklyn Bridge - with his 800 pound bag - and grabbed a subway back to my neighborhood.

We got him settled in here and then headed out for a nice steak dinner at a local place. Two glasses of wine each. Very nice. I had a Malbec and Primitivo. Excellent.

Then we headed to The Gate - all of this is within a two/three block radius - and met the gang, drank two pints each, my friend the manager bought us a shot of whiskey, we watched the ballgame, said good night, came home, shot the breeze for an hour or so and then turned in. Separate sleeping areas. Him in my bed, me on the couch.

Woke up this morning, took him to my coffee shop, introduced him to the girls there, drank our coffee, more chatting, then got him back here. He called our friend, they made arrangements
to meet up. I was going to tag along, but things between me and our other friend are a little weird right now, so I begged off. Maybe that was the wrong move, I don't know. I just didn't want it to be overly awkward - we haven't seen each other in a few years. I didn't want to spoil the vibe.

Anyway, I saw him off, and now I'm heading back to bed for an hour or two. My stomach's a mess. I love eating steak, but it doesn't like me very much any more. Enough said.

Tonight is the Edgar Allan Poe reading. Did I tell you about that? I'm reading "The Black Cat" short story. I've barely rehearsed. Typical Billy. Oh well, I'll wing it. Hopefully I won't stammer or stutter or slur my words too much. My tongue gets lazy sometimes. Wish me luck.

And still miss my secret sweetheart terribly. My peach cobbler, my baby devil in a red wig.

Love,
Billy

Lift To Experience - Falling From Cloud 9 @ Trabendo, Paris

2011-10-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

These guys are quickly becoming one of my favorite bands. I love the dynamics and guitar sound. The lyrics are a hoot, too. The singer sounds like he's preaching from a pulpit about the end of the world. Great stuff. They only put out one album, but the whole thing is very good. I've been after a mint condition copy on vinyl for a while, but it's very hard to track down and often goes for as much as $100. The search continues.

Really missing my secret sweetheart today. Tough to go from being in touch with someone on a daily basis to not hearing from them for a week or so. And if everything goes according to plan, I won't be hearing from her for another few months. Breaks my heart, but I'm keeping busy and trying to deal. I've been tempted more than once to reach out to her. Stopping myself from doing so has been very tough.

Speaking of busy, my friend John is in town this weekend for his first visit to Brooklyn and Park Slope. I'm planning to walk with him over the Brooklyn Bridge, get settled in at my apartment, and then take him out for a nice steak dinner. He's also very curious about The Gate so we'll head over there after dinner for a few beers. He's one of my oldest friends and it'll be great to spend some time together getting caught up on his family and mine. His youngest Son is my godson.

Then on Saturday, I'm doing a reading of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Black Cat" at a Halloween event in Carroll Gardens. Two actors I worked with in Hamlet (and Oedipus Rex) are also reading short stories and poems. I haven't rehearsed as much as I should have, but it still should be a good time.

Sunday I plan on lounging around and doing as little as possible. Doesn't that sound great?

Love,
Billy

Back with gusto - Billy 'n' Facebook no more

2011-10-28T10:08:00.000-07:00

I broke up with Facebook today. Probably for the best. We weren't getting along very well. I was posting too much stuff and stirring up trouble with my "friends." Things were on the verge of getting ugly and I was spending too much time on it. I'm sad, of course, but time heals.

So that's the bad news. The good news is that all the "stuff" I shared on Facebook will now go here! Videos! Updates on my personal life! Media hits! Whoopie! My goodness, you have *so much* to look forward to, my loyal readers! Your devotion is about to be rewarded in spades. Wait, can I use that expression in 2011?

Anyway, just a quick update for now, but MUCH MORE to come, I promise. And I'm still in love.

Love,
Billy

No plans

2011-10-15T19:58:00.000-07:00

So I dropped that bombshell on you and then disappeared for a few days. Not fair, I know. Think I've lost most of my loyal readers anyway. I could just be posting this for no one but me. Been a while since anyone left a comment. Maybe you've been cheating on me?

You know what I hate about the weekend? Everyone wants to know what you're doing. They want to know your plans. And you have to have plans, right? There's something wrong if you don't. I never have plans. Well, rarely. and I'm fine with it. But man, does that rub some people the wrong way. They either get frustrated with me or they're sad for me. Neither emotion is necessary, I assure you. And I fiddle the day away doing a whole lot of nothing and be as content as a clam at high tide.

The only time it bothers me when I don't have any plans is when someone asks me what my plans are. Otherwise I'd be fine just doing whatever. Spontaneous trips. Loafing on the couch. Reading the paper. Hanging at the coffee shop longer than usual. Long walks around the neighborhood. Whatever. Does everything have to have a plan behind it? Are my activities less valid because they're not planned?

Married people need plans. Married people with kids REALLY need plans. I'm neither. Christ, even my mother asked me tonight "what did you do today?" and what did I have planned for my vacation this year.

Oh well. I have no plans. I'm watching baseball now but the game is getting out of hand and boring. Time to turn it off. Maybe I'll watch a movie. Or maybe not. We'll see. Two of my favorite words -> we'll see.

Love,
Billy

On the 10-year anniversary of September 11, 2001

2011-09-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

Note: I first wrote this piece on the one-year anniversary of 9/11/01 after finding out that none of the key politicians of the time planned to make a major speech to mark the occasion. Instead, the decision was made to read from old speeches. Apparently there was a widespread fear of any new speech being perceived as overly political. This cowardice angered me a great deal. Every major historical event in our past is marked by a great speech. FDR after Pearl Harbor, Lincoln after the Battle at Gettysburg, Kennedy and Reagan in Berlin. The one-year anniversary required, demanded such a speech. So I went ahead and wrote one. I don't know if it's great, but it isn't political and I think, I hope it makes people feel good. Let me know what you think of it. Love, Billy

America is a country of big things.

Big cars, big rivers, big mountains, big roads, big people! (we eat hearty in this country – and we have big appetites and we like big portions!), big ideas, big statements, big gestures, big voices.

America is a big country.

And today it is nearly impossible not to be consumed by scary thoughts of big things. Big planes filled with innocent people. Big buildings filled with innocent people. Big planes crashing into big buildings. Big ugly sounds. Big buildings falling down.

It's all almost too big. What happened was so monstrous, so huge. Wasn't it all just a *big* nightmare? Won't all of us be waking up soon to find that it was just a big bad horrible dream?

No. Big reality.

It happened. Those people in those planes are all gone. Those people in those buildings are gone. Those buildings are gone, too.

As a people and as a generation, it was the defining moment in our time. We have now been defined by what happened 10 years ago today on a beautiful September morning when four big planes flew across a big blue sky. We are now part of history, part of something bigger.

And today there are still big voids in homes, offices, bedrooms, houses of worship, playground, front porches, favorite chairs, car pools, lines at the store.

There are so many big holes in our lives.

The thought of it brings big tears. So how do we move on? How do we deal with this big moment in time?

Maybe there’s a way.

Maybe today, when so many big things dominate our thoughts and are thrust upon us by a relentless media, it is more important to remember and cherish the small things in life.

Small random acts of kindness, compassion, generosity and bravery – like the ones that took place on that big horrible day.

And let’s be sure not to forget those who make themselves small by staying quiet in their time of need. Let them know they are not alone, even if they want to be today.

And let our hearts go out to those who will continue to need us the most in the days ahead.

Remember the children who will never again be held by their Mommy or Daddy. These small ones will need the love and support of their aunts and uncles, cousins and family friends. These little ones will need big love.

On this somber day, bring comfort to your heart by remembering the small gestures of the loved ones we lost - the cup of coffee fronted to you the day you left your wallet at home, or the ride to work the day your car wouldn't start.

Think of that small smile from the one you loved and how it warmed your heart. Share a small smile with someone you love today.

And remember that those who were taken from us would want us to live our lives to the fullest; would want us to seek out every opportunity to be happy and make others happy.

It is a sad day. Express your grief. Share your fears and sorrow. Doing so makes you human. Feeling and expressing those emotions are what separates you from those who place no value on human life - separates you from those who would fly a big plane into a big building to create so many big holes.

And in some way, big or small, let us all take a moment today to reflect upon our vulnerability and fragility. In an age when we’re often told that bigger is better, and we joke about how size matters, let us think small. Write a short note to your lover. Hold a small hand in yours. Make the world smaller by reaching out to someone far away.

The world can be big again tomorrow. Let’s keep things small today.

Bill McCue

Park Slope, Brooklyn

Fleetwood Mac/ Lindsey Buckingham ~ Never Going Back Again ~ Japan Live...

2011-09-05T19:56:00.000-07:00

Lindsey is one of my favorite singers and definitely one of of my favorite guitar players, too. Hope you like this video as much as I do. Love, Billy

Peter Gabriel & Robert Fripp - Here Comes The Flood

2011-09-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite songs and I love the way this version is bookended by the Frippertronics. I had forgotten it first appeared on Fripp's Exposure album. "Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry..."
Love,
Billy

Documenting - a long walk home

2011-08-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I left my office, turned right, headed due west on Harrison Street towards the Hudson River and stared straight into the glare of the setting sun. It was shining down hard on me and I had to raise my hand in a salute to shield my eyes a few times. I waited for the light to turn at the West Side Highway and crossed over to the path that runs along the river, joining a legion of cyclists, joggers and purposeful striders like myself.

Sea crafts of various sizes and configurations were out on the waves. Sail boats, tugs, lone rowers, wave runners and commuter ferries. People everywhere. Out on the waves, on the walking path with their dogs, holding hands with someone, marching along, jogging along, biking along. I saw organized groups of exercisers, frisbee tossers and catchers, gays and straights, ballers and breeders, tourists and natives.

The weather was perfect. The magic hours. The sun’s last rays of the day reflecting off the waves in diamond shapes. A cool breeze blowing. I made my way south along the path that hugs the river’s shoreline. Into Battery Park City where people with more money than a Russian gas executive dock their boats and lounge on decks, watching the working stiffs walking by gawking at them and their expensive toys.

Outdoor diners, bench loungers, amateur photographers taking portraits and still lifes, and documenting, everyone documenting moments, for fear they would pass without being captured inside a digital memory. Further south with Ellis Island, the Statue of Liberty, Jersey in all its glory on my right. Governors Island across the way, a Staten Island Ferry making its way back to the Manhattan terminal for another load of weary commuters ready to head home. A sad sculpture dedicated to dead Merchant Marines torpedoed by a German sub and left to die. An Asian fishermen hauling in a sea beast as big as my right leg. Tomorrow’s sushi special somewhere, maybe 50 percent off the regular price.

Near the tip of the island the crowd starts to thin out a bit. Fewer tourists, more homeless, more lovers holding court on benches, smoking and flicking, smoking and flicking. The wind has picked up, it’s blowing the headphones right out of my ears. I’m tempted to put them away and call someone, share this moment, maybe document it somehow like the rest. Instead I readjust and press them back in, pressing on towards the R train station at Whitehall, the last stop on the downtown train heading underground, under water towards Brooklyn.

It was a good walk and I felt good. Spontaneous. I never walked that way before. If I had on sneakers I might have kept going. Maybe next time. I just wrote this and I’m not going to edit it. That would be like stopping to take a photo instead of just soldiering on, taking it all in and breathing without any connection to any gadget or anything or anyone other than that time in those places and what passed before my eyes. And now here it is again. Documented. See?

Quickly and over far too quickly

2011-08-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

Had a really great time hanging out with my old and dear friend Hugh and his family yesterday afternoon. Hugh's father-in-law owns a really nice spread out in Denville, NJ. We spent a few hours talking, beering, eating, arguing, debating and mostly laughing. Great food, great fun, great conversations and great people. An all around so most excellent outing. Never did get to swim in the lake, but oh well, maybe next time.

Hugh lives out in Seattle and I just don't get to see him often enough. He's been a solid friend to me over the years.

Lazy day here. Doing laundry now. Then there's the ironing and Breaking Bad at 10pm my time. Back to work tomorrow. The alarm clock will go off too soon, as always. Need to buy those Mega Millions tickets on Tuesday. Note to self.

Love,
Billy

Sabotage...

2011-08-08T20:08:00.001-07:00

When things are going well, don't screw it up by doing something stupid. That should be my mantra in life. Because more often than not over the past, well, I guess forever, every time I'm on a roll and good things are happening, I do something, big, small, whatever, to make a mess of it or distract from the original good thing. It's a not uncommon trait, by the way, this self-destructive tendency. Lots of people suffer from it. Many of them high profile. Bill Clinton, anyone?

With me, it usually comes down to the combination of my volcanic temper and overly sensitive nature, and an inability - unwillingness? - to control them like a mature adult during times when both are tested. Walk away, Billy! Go home, William! Don't feel obligated to have the last word, you big dummy! If only I listened to *that* inner voice and not the other one.

I forgot to mention my laziness. And a tendency to cut corners when a thorough and measured approach would be the better course of action. There must be an ADD component to all of this volatility. To paraphrase Jim Morrison, "I want the world and I want it now!" I want that newsletter to be done *now*. I want the band to show up for rehearsal *now*. I want people to read my script/play *now*. Not tomorrow, not in two weeks, not 15 minutes from now - NOW! Immediate results, immediate response, immediate feedback. And we know that's not rationale, right? I'm referring to all of us with the "we" not my multiple personalities.

Laziness. Yeah, I'm probably the hardest working lazy person on earth. Contradiction? Oxymoronic statement? (love the "moron" in "oxymoron" by the way). Nah. I work really hard at being lazy. Or creating opportunities to be lazy, I should say. I'll work like a demon to get my apartment straightened up so I can spend an entire rest of the day loafing around doing nothing but clicking channels, surfing the Net and thinking about alphabetizing my vinyl collection. I'll time manage the hell out of a day and get mega high profile results just to create ample opportunities to text message and IM with friends during down time.

If I could only focus. All the time. Not just for those short bursts of hyperactivity. I'd rule the planet. But no, I have to get all distracted. Or something will piss me off. And then all bets are off. That's it! I've had it! With all of you! Damn it all to hell! Sparks fly, fireworks go off, I start hurling insults and accusations of disloyalty! You never liked me! I can't rely on you! You're not my friend! I want to die!

I say it all outwardly in jest, but there's a big part of me inside that means it all. Every word. You think Larry David is a misanthrope? That amateur has nothing on me. You think Woody Allen has insecurities? Forget that guy. I've got them both beat by a country mile. Everyone annoys me, everything sets me off, nothing is ever good enough. I go to sleep every night bickering under my breath about something that made me want to run screaming arms akimbo into oblivion - preferably while on fire. Suffice it to say, I toss and turn a lot.

Right here, right now (thanks, Sammy), things are going relatively well. I've got a job with an up and coming PR firm in a nice office in Tribeca. I work with smart, creative and hardworking people. I live in a beautiful brownstone building in a great neighborhood and in a rent stabilized apartment. The reading of my play a few Sundays back went extremely well and exceeded my expectations. I feel pretty good. No major health issues. I'm not in a romantic relationship at the moment, but that's ok. I've never felt the need to resort to drastic measures - like Internet dating or the like - during these extended periods of solitary time. I'm a loner by nature so it doesn't bother me all that much. So no major complaints is what I'm trying to say. I've got great friends, I'm not in any major disagreements with anyone in my family. All I need to do is keep it going, not do anything stupid, not take offense at the slightest slight, mind my beer/whiskey intake, avoid people who rub me the wrong way, and everything...should...be...just...fine.

Wish me luck.

My fighter

2011-08-08T20:05:00.001-07:00

How is my fighter today?

I asked him, evoking a line from Patton

A movie we both loved

And watched together many years ago

On the big screen, father and son at the movies

Together now, him in bed lying on his side

And me, his youngest son, sitting by his side

Holding his hand, feeling him squeeze mine

A slight smile on his face

From the extra drops I put on his tongue

When my mother left the room

Asking him if he remembered

Playing softball in Van Cortlandt Park

And the bets that were made on the games

Making extra money on the weekends

He was good then, before the back injury

That kept him from playing with me

All those years when I was young and needed him

Now I’ve got aches and pains of my own

And I haven’t tossed a ball to anyone in years

So here we are now, me in middle age

Him in his last days, listening to me tell him

His own stories, the ones I heard a long time ago

And can practically tell in his voice

Go Away

2011-08-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

If you’re looking for redemption

You’ve come to the wrong place

If you’re seeking salvation

You’re looking into the wrong face

Because I may be your sweet Daddy

But I can’t be your father,

son and holy ghost

And I’ll never be the one

You’re frightened of the most

You said you couldn’t stay at home

Or live under one roof for long

You said you couldn’t be alone

Without wanting to do something wrong

So what am I to do, baby girl

Now that you’ve returned

Saying you’ve changed your ways and

Asking for my other cheek to be turned

How can I forget where you’ve been

And who you were with again

I can smell him in your hair

His presence pollutes my air

So please, please go and don’t come back

No matter how much I beg or plead

Because I want you so much, baby

But you’re the last thing I need…

Blues, McCues and a legacy for all eternity

2011-07-20T18:52:00.001-07:00

A really tough day at the office. Sometimes it's easy to feel overwhelmed. You're expected to work on four, five, maybe even six accounts at one time and stay on top of everything. It takes some solid time management skills. And a willingness to delegate instead of taking everything on yourself. You need to trust other people. I need to trust other people. Will work on it tomorrow. Feel worn out today. And second guessing my decisions. Maybe it was dinner with Aud, I don't know.

Anyway, just got home from said dinner. We ate at the famous Oyster Bar in Grand Central Terminal. Dinner was good, but it's really loud in there and kinda warm. Oh well, we still had a nice time. I was REALLY late. I was working on a press release and making a mess of it. My boss finally got frustrated with me and took over. He rushed me out of his office at the end of the day when I offered to take another crack at it. So I jumped in a cab with a moron for a driver who didn't know the way to Grand Central from downtown. Excuse me? That's like a guy working at KFC who doesn't know how to work the fryer. Whatever, eventually I got there.

I've been really busy for the past few weeks. Sorry I haven't updated the blog more, but there just hasn't been time. This past Friday I met my long lost "cousin" Anne McCue for the first time. She's a singer songwriter from Australia who currently lives in East Nashville, Tennessee. She's on tour and played at The Living Room in NYC. Her set was amazing. She's a killer guitar player and has a great voice. Her songs are cool, too. She also did a wicked hot version of Voodoo Chile-Whole Lotta Love-The Power of Soul. I asked her if I could tell everyone she threw in WLL especially for me. She laughed and said, sure. We talked after her set for a while and drank a couple of beers together. I showed her the records I bought in the Village before the set. Flying Burrito Brothers, Santana, Mountain (for a friend). We both agreed the Burritos was the best of the bunch.

Saturday I wasn't planning on doing much but wound up hanging at The Gate for a few hours in the afternoon. Somehow my pint glass kept getting filled with Avery's Joe's Pilsner. I didn't complain too much. Jess wanted me to go with him to The Dwarves show but the thought of being banged around in the mosh pit didn't hold much appeal. I went home and got a text from my friend Johnny N. saying his band was doing a show nearby and I should come. The 90s band Urge Overkill was the headliner. The club was only a few blocks away so I gussied up and headed over there in time to catch most of their set. Good stuff. Then some poser band came on and I headed upstairs to play pool with Kevo, Frank and some strangers. Played ok, not great. Went back down for Urge Overkill. They were cool. Didn't know any of their songs - I only really know two - but I liked them. Headed back home and stopped off at The Gate for a few too many nightcaps. Sunday was recovery day. Chores, roaming around, watching the Yankees.

The reading/workshop for my play is happening this Sunday. I have about five definites in terms of actors saying they will show up. We'll see. I'm keeping my expectations very low. I'm going to provide food and beer. Might pay the actors, too, not sure. Anyway, I will let you know how it goes. Wish me luck.

Been in touch with RH a bit and finally ordered and received my copy of Sojourner. Ross was kind enough to include me in the "thanks" section, which pleased me to no end. Nice to think that something will survive you in this world. My name will always be there. Puts things in perspective, doesn't it? His photos are awesome, by the way. Sojourner is a collection of his travel shots. He's been to some amazing places. I almost feel like I've been there with him now. It's definitely added a few "must see" spots to my list. The book isn't cheap, but I think it's worth every shilling. Of course I'm biased...

Oh boy, I need to have a good day at work tomorrow. Have to win the boss over again, I'm afraid. He definitely wasn't happy with me today. Oh well. I've always been an irresistible charmer...

Love,
Billy

Muddy Waters - I Can't Be Satisfied - Acoustic Blues

2011-07-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

No Plans for a Sad Old Man...

2011-07-02T10:32:00.001-07:00

So what does an old man do when he's feeling the blues? Well, he listens to the blues, of course. In this particular saddo's case, it's Muddy Waters' Folk Singer albu. I've got one of those fancy schmancy Original Master Recording gold discs. Sounds like Muddy's in the room here with me. And if he truly was here, I know what he'd say. "get your lazy ass up and out the house, white boy. there's lots of pretty womens out there just waiting for you." Or words to that effect. Good ol' Muddy Waters. Thanks, man.

I've been reading Keith Richards' autobiography. Great stuff. It's laugh out loud funny in parts. Highly recommended. It's available in paperback now, too. I got my copy for around $18 at Barnes & Noble. Well worth every penny so far. Pushing back to my Stones CDs, too. Bootlegs like Beggars Breakfast and Brussels Affair. The Expensive Winos, too.

Gorgeous day here in Park Slope. I have ZERO plans for the holiday weekend. Worst part about that is people asking me if I have any plans. They look so sad for me when I say no, no plans. And that makes me sad. Sad for me that I have no plans, and sad for them that they think having plans is so important. Like I should have a full slate of activities lined up or else. But what's a poor boy to do? Beach? Too crowded. BBQs? No invites. Quick vacation? Too late for that. Mope around, drink beer, listen to tunes, read my book, watch baseball, go for a walk, buy a blender? That's the ticket. I might even throw in some record shopping at some point along the way. I keep obsessing over Emerson Lake and Palmer's Welcome Back My Friends to the Show That Never Ends triple live album. And Black Sabbath's Live Evil. I've seen both in mint condition many times and always passed them up. Now I can't stop thinking about them! Make it stop!

Speaking of records, I packed up a bunch to send over to my friend Ross in the UK. He's been after a few by a NYC band called Riot. I found two in mint condition for him, along with some John McLaughlin I'd never seen before, and a "new" Jimmy Page bootleg. Too late for the post office, though. Will have to send on Tuesday. Oh well, feels good to have them packed up and ready to go. Ross is a good man and I enjoy tracking down these records for him.

I got a job offer on Thursday. The base salary isn't what I was hoping for, but I kind of expected it, too. I can stay on as a consultant if I choose to. We'll see. I'll think about it today and tomorrow. Be good to have some steady income and sink in some roots at an office. Will also finance some of my long-term plans. More on those later.

Trying to organize a reading of my play Final Vinyl. Looking like July 24 at a place in Carroll Gardens. Hoping it works out. Most folks are non-committal right now and I'm having a hard time getting the guy who owns the space to commit to a date. Will keep you posted.

Last night I ate a magic cookie, drank two Southampton Keller Pils and went off to watch a song or two at the Steel Pulse concert in Prospect Park. But by the time I got there, the show was almost over and it was a mob scene. They weren't letting anyone into the seating area. I skulked around a bit, ran into my friend Aubrey and walked her to 8th Avenue where we parted company. I walked back home, in a huff, and watched the rest of the Yankees/Mets game before calling it a night. Yankees won. Easily.

Damn, this is a great CD. Acoustic blues. What a voice. And he was a bad mofo right up to the very end of his life. Watch the old footage of him on stage at the Newport Jazz/Folk Festival. He's killing it. Singing Got My Mojo Working like it's the first time he's ever done it. And what a band. Just killing it!

What else? Some drama from last weekend still sticks in my craw but I'm trying to shake it off. Someone going out of their way to make me uncomfortable and stake a claim to territory, I guess. Whatever. Makes me think it's time to move on to avoid any of that in the future. Let them have this neighborhood. It's full of nothing but bad influences for me these days. I love my place, but I'm sure I could find something nicer. With some cross ventilation for starters. I'd love to try my luck in Red Hook but there's no easy way into NYC from there. Ferries don't run often enough and the subway's too damn far away. I want to be near the water. Not practical there.

That's all for now. It's 1:47pm here and I should be outdoors enjoying the nice weather. NYC for record shopping? the park for lounging and reading? The front steps for people watching and more? So many choices for a sad old man with no plans...

Love,
Billy

Returns

2011-06-11T09:12:00.000-07:00

Sitting here at my desk on a lazy Saturday afternoon in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NYC, listening to Les Paul/Mary Ford. Don't know if you remember, but last fall I had the pleasure of meeting the one and only Jimmy Page at a private party to celebrate the release of his pictorial autobiography Jimmy Page by Jimmy Page. The story behind how I ended up attending the event is long and complicated and probably best saved for another day, but as soon as I received the invite, I started thinking about ways to make a positive impression on Jimmy and not come across as a starstruck fan. I decided to give him a few gifts as a conversation starter. So what do you give Jimmy Page? Records, of course! He's a mad record collector, I was told, and I thought well there's my chance. So what records do I give a man who's probably got a huge collection? Tough call.

I reached out to an old friend of mine who used to own a record store and gave him my "wish list." He got back to me with two fantastic items from his personal collection that he was willing to sell me. (He's not a big Jimmy Page fan, and might not have agreed to sell them to me if he knew who they were intended for, so I kept that part of the story to myself). One was a Django Reinhardt box set of 8 lps on the Affinity-UK label. It's a beautiful piece with a lovely box and fully annotated booklet. The records had never been played. Perfect! The other was the Les/Mary box set I mentioned above. Three lps on the Murray Hill label. Not terribly rare or collectible, but what my friend had to offer was brand new and never opened. I'll take it!

Anyway, ever since I gave them to Jimmy at the party, I've longed to get both for my own collection. The Les/Mary was easy to find and very affordable. The Django box has been extremely elusive and VERY expensive based on some historical data on the Net. Turns out my friend gave me a very nice bargain on it. So the search continues...

I had a great week at work. Delivered some solid results for my clients, kept my boss happy and satisfied, got to work on time every day, and even walked home a few times. Walked home? Yeah, compare that to the insane commute back and forth to White Plains I was doing this time last year. What was I thinking? Paying the bills, I guess. Nothing more, nothing less.

Today is going to be a lazy day, as I said in the intro to this post. I have a few errands to run, but nothing major. I'm also thinking about moving. I've lived in Park Slope for nine years and think it's time for a change. Red Hook is my first choice. If I can get a ferry to NYC every morning and the walk to my office isn't too far, I just might go for it. Otherwise, I'll have to look elsewhere. I like Red Hook. It's got a neighborhood feel, some nice bars and restaurants, and it would get me away from some of the bad influences I bump into far too often here in the Slope.

I also heard from an old friend this week. My buddy Murph. We met in high school and have remained friends ever since. Great guy and one of my favorite friends. He lives up in Rockland County with his wife and two boys, and works as an iron worker foreman on the crew currently putting up the Freedom Tower in NYC. Unfortunately, I haven't seen or been in touch with him for a few years now. You know how it goes - life flies by and weeks turn into months into years. But there were never any hard feelings between us and I'm looking forward to speaking with him. We traded messages last week and now I have his cell phone number. I'll probably reach out to him on Monday and set up a lunch or happy hour meet-up. Really looking forward to it.

I also owe my old friend JFS a phone call. He's another high school friend. Married now with three kids and living in a Chicago suburb working for a telecom company. He's been pleasantly persistent about keeping in touch with me over the years, but I'm the worst "phone person" on earth and haven't returned one of his calls in a very long time. I have a hard time talking to old friends when I don't have anything positive to report. Most of them have wives and kids and steady jobs, and I haven't had any of that in a very long time - never in the case of a wife or children. Makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable when I speak to old friends. Sometimes I feel like they expect me to be entertaining and living a carefree bachelor life. That's a tough standard to live up to. Especially when I'm slumping.

Anyway, enough moaning about that. I will give him a call soon. Probably tomorrow. I'm also trying to get into the habit of calling my sister Mary Ellen once a week. ME has Down Syndrome and sometimes it can be a challenge communicating with her. I'm told she also has a hearing problem - she wears hearing aids - but I've always been convinced that she can turn her hearing on and off like she can flick a switch on those aids. She's highly functional and lives in a house with three other ladies and 24/7 support staff. It's a nice house and the staff are incredibly nice and supportive to my sister and the other gals. One of my sister's roommates answered the phone when I called a few weeks ago. Her name is Roxanne and we had a nice chat about how long we've known each other. Some people have distorted perceptions of dealing with people with these difficulties - don't get me wrong, I've had my struggles too - but don't ever underestimate their capacity to remember the most minute details from years and years ago. "Roxy, I've known you for such a very long time, sweetheart!" I said. "I know, Billy, since you were a little boy," she answered. Damn, I get choked up just writing that. Hope you understand.

"In the Good Old Summertime" just came on. Man, Les could fly up and down that fretboard, and Mary's voice is like buttermilk on the slow numbers. It makes me feel good to sit here listening to these amazing recordings, but I do have a few things to do today so I better close it out. I'm sorry for being so lax about updating this blog. Just realized it's been a few weeks since my last post. You're always welcome to contact me directly at bill.mccue@gmail.com or give me a cyber kick with a comment saying, "c'mon Billy, what's going on?"

I hope this post finds you well and in good spirits. As the saying goes, keep on keeping on.

Love,
Billy

The Doors - The End (1967)

2011-05-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

Hair Yesterday, Gone Today, More Gone Tomorrow

2011-05-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

I've lost a lot of hair over the past two years or so. It's been gradual, but the pace seemed to pick up decidedly all of a sudden. Now I've got a huge crown of bare scalp on top of my head. Well, ok, maybe I'm exaggerating. But not that much. And I'm self-conscious as Hell about it. I don't want to be in a band any more because of it. I can't bear the idea of someone looking at my bald spot and making fun of me while I'm on stage singing. I guess I could wear a cap. But then everyone will know I'm bald underneath and they'll think i'm a coward for covering it with a cap. Either way, I can't win.

I guess it bothers me more now that I'm single and unattached. Women hate balding guys. They say they don't, but they do. They know it's all we talk about. Our balding-ness gives off this really unpleasant musky smell. It smells like - insecurity in the morning. I hate that smell.

I got my hair cut tonight. I thought it would make me feel better. It usually does. It didn't tonight. I can't win.

I had so much hair when I was younger. If possible, too much! A huge mushroom cloud of super thick brillo paddy afro hair. It was huge. Tremendous. I looked like a white Phil Lynott (look him up if you don't know who he is). Now I'm one of those balding middle aged guys. Ugh.

Other than that, things are going well. I'm working at a small PR agency in Tribeca for the next 30 days or so. The people are very nice and the work isn't too bad so far. It's hard being back in an office situation after being out of work for four months. I'm trying to keep up. I just need a few scores to get my confidence back. Wish me luck.

It's nice to have the night off with nothing to do except watch TV. I was going to work at The Gate for a few hours, but it turned out they didn't need me. So I'm off the hook. Would have been nice to make a little money. Oh well. I'm never happy.

That's all from here. Sorry.

Love,
Billy